Hopeless Love (an unexpressed love)

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N.G. Tamu

I had met her some years ago…coincidentally. She had that indescribable charisma that attracted me in a first glimpse. She is simple, beautiful and very much of ‘my kind’. Truly, I never had met any girls like her. She is different in every ways. I love the way she talks- oh! how gracious she is; I love the way she smiles…and, and…I love everything about her.

I had been looking forward to going ‘steady’ for a while; and, I found what I was looking for when I met her…yeah, my search was ended.

Every moments, accompanied by her, have been turned into a splendid, momentous, and blissful experience. I’m so thrilled that, now, I cannot exist without her; Emm…may be! I am obsessed.

It is regrettable that I became so neurotic of her without knowing how she feels about me and what she thinks of our relationship.

So, I questioned myself- will she accept my proposal? Does our chemistry match? This question ‘hammered’ me repeatedly but I couldn’t get the answer. No, nope. Thereafter, I planned to meet her and get it off my ‘heavy shoulders’.

Yeah, I had numerous ‘expressions & feelings’ for her. Sadly, when my mind advised me to express it all, I had to fly abroad. Nevertheless, I called her from the airport before I left Nepal. Misfortune, time did not favor me again.

She wished me good luck for my study and advised to succeed in my aim. Oh ! She did not speak much nor could I.

So sad, this was not ‘good time’ to express my feelings but it was, unhappily, a time to share my sympathy in her grief. She had lost her beloved father just a few days back. I was distracted knowing it.

I made my first call from Malaysia to her. She was still suffering from the pain that she had lost her father untimely. I was hopeless, the whole year would not be favorable for me to express my feeling; in fact, I didn’t wish to share my feelings, no matter how important it was. I thought it might hurt or burden her with an additional pain since she was grieving the loss of her father. Thus, I didn’t express my feeling in this miserable time.

I called her so many times, with or without reasons, to let her feel how much I really love, care and want her. Though, I always spoke with her as her ‘a good friend’.

It has already been a year that I left my beautiful home country Nepal and my beautiful and beloved friend (her). I was thrilled with myself and all wonderful moments with her. No points to hide, Yeah I had started thinking of our future together. Straight speaking, I started promising myself that I would fulfill all her desires and needs; I would stand beside to protect her from all distress. And, honestly, all these one-sided-imaginations always brought a smile on my face.

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So, I was thinking of proposing her soon. But, I was waiting for a suitable time.

Suddenly, once again, I passed through a very bad ‘an unfortunate-accident’. I regret and feel down; I’m really very sorry to her that I had ‘the worst year of my life’. I feel disgraced writing it here that I, regrettably, got engaged with another girl. It was, may be, because I was a little frustrated with her, my beloved friend, as it took me a very long time to express my feelings and get a response from her.

Thank God, I was not too late to change myself. I already overcome through this ‘ridiculous-intentional-relationship. I mean it, I didn’t do any ‘mistakes’ then; promise, and I will not do further. I agree I committed the greatest mistake; and, it’s inexcusable too.

No doubt, she will surely not think good of me; more than that, I am so worried she might not even consider me as a friend. I wonder what my life would be like if she leaves me alone. I am hopelessly distressed. I would probably not be accepted by her but yet, I would like to apologize and say a few last words…the day I met you, I was in love with you and I will continuously keep loving you till the end of my life.

This article was written in Malaysia few years back. We apologize if it coincidences with anyone’s true-story.

-Editor/Writer.

I had met her some years ago...coincidentally. She had that indescribable charisma that attracted me in a first glimpse. She is simple, beautiful and very much of 'my kind'. Truly, I never had met any girls like her. She is different in every ways. I love the way she talks- oh! how gracious she is; I love the way she smiles...and, and...I love everything about her. I had been looking forward to going 'steady' for a while; and, I found what I was looking for when I met her...yeah, my search was ended. Every moments, accompanied…

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